Why Has the Demand for Respecting Elders Lowered for Youth Over the Years Compared to Past Generations?
Why is it that young people do not show as much respect for their elders anymore? Many of them won't help their elders do simple things, such as carry groceries or standing aside and patiently waiting for them to pass them with out an attitude. There are numerous theories as to why the respect level has dramatically changed. Some may blame the so-called "hippie-generation" and their liberal parenting skills, while others blame the adolescents and say they are just unruly. There has to be a stop to this lack of respect widely accepted soon, or else it could turn into a bigger problem for the following generation. This could lack of demand for respecting each other and elders could cause in increase in annual crimes. In order to turn this around and get back to the days where children had manners and respect for elders and authority we need to first look at what has changed, to make this such an important problem in our society. The decrease in respect can be credited to generational conflict; parent's not taking charge by relying on the media, schools, and peers to teach the proper behavior to their children; as well as the break up of the family unit over the years.
One of the most important issues for parents to recognize and understand is the ongoing generational conflict between parents and their teenagers. In every generation, the parent assumes their child is rebelling and reckless if they don't act the same way they did when they were growing up. For this cycle to be broken parents need to take the time out to stop having so much anxiety, and realize how they are overreacting and doing the same thing to their kids now that they hated from their parents during their own childhood. What has to be remembered is that times change and the acceptable way to act is different from their time period, and as time goes on different activities are considered fun then before. Fun does not necessarily have to be a bad or disrespectful activity, but maybe kids enjoy going to the park and hanging out as fun but in the past they enjoyed playing baseball in the street as fun.
For instance back in the 1920s and 1930s when women started to wear less clothes in public ,parents thought of that as disrespectfulness and now in the present-time when adolescents listen to rap music or get tattoos it is viewed as being unruly. Fashions, hairstyles, and poise have changed dramatically over the past 100 years. These changes reflect young men and women adapting to the society around them. (Hudnall) In the earliest years of the school, fashions were formal yet practical. For men, dark suits with crisp white shirts and ties were the norm. Women donned stiff white blouses with high, buttoned collars and long, narrow black skirts. Throughout the United States, as more women entered the work force (or went to college) this simple, two-piece outfit served a more practical purpose than the elaborate dresses with plunging necklines and full skirts that were popular decades before. Clothing was expensive at the turn of the century, so students had to rely on a few basic elements to sustain them throughout the academic year. This attire was expected both for class attendance as well as for social activities, and changed little with the seasons.
Over the next few decades, trends in clothing became less formal, more colorful, and often to the dismay of the administrators at the Normal School, more revealing. Hemlines crept up during the 1920's, and short-sleeved garments replaced the stiff, white blouses worn by women a decade before. Improvements in production methods made clothing more affordable, enabling students at Kearney and throughout the U.S. to vary their wardrobe. Perhaps most significantly, the corset was finally abandoned, and waistlines on women's dresses became less severe, and eventually non-existent. The carefree attitudes of Americans during the 1920's was reflected by the considerable "loosening up" (both literally and figuratively) of the clothes worn by women on the Kearney campus at the University of Nebraska. (Hudnall) This generational conflict could easily fade away, by knowing our history, what our parents and grandparents went through growing up, and what was an acceptable way to act in that time period compared to now. Knowing the way they reacted in particular cases would definitely help us when it is our turn to be the older generation and teach our young ones.
Another important issue parents should work on before their children grow to adolescent age is morality. Instilling good moral values in the children; letting them know the rules of the household, and acceptable societal rules are the basis for good behavior. In addition to keeping their kids on the right track, parents could stop being so hypocritical and display good behavior themselves if they expect good behavior from their children. Or, if a parent does have a bad habit or made a mistake, I think it is very important that they tell their kids over and over that just because they did something habit-forming or a dumb mistake when they were younger does not mean the child has to should when they get older. This is essential so the child won't try to use it against the parents once they reach adolescent age. I personally remember listening to some of my high school friends say that, since their parents were alcoholics; or got pregnant at a young age themselves then their parents could not try to tell them not to do it.
Furthermore, the break up of the family unit over the past few decades has contributed to the increasing negative adolescent behavior. For the majority of children who have lived in households where the parents decide to divorce, they do not end up having serious academic or psychological problems. In fact, they are still able to see each parent and understand that they separated because they do not love each other anymore and that it's not the child's fault. But in few cases, the children from divorce end up having such problems. In the article titled "Parenting without punishment: Making problem behavior work for you", the author John W. Maag states how single-parent families and dual-career families are the ones who are most often blamed for the potentially negative influence that children are having on each other while staying in day-care centers. The author also places emphasis on how punishment decreases the chances of the bad behavior recurring in the future compared to discipline/reinforcement sometimes increasing the probability of it happening again. Unfortunately, this author describes how Alfie Kohn ("one of the most outspoken proponents of the view that discipline quells internal motivation") is convinced that the best way to make a child stop its bad behavior is by giving them punishments in a nice way, and that the old-fashioned reinforcement method simply does not work. Old fashioned punishment for children was mostly just basic discipline that every kid needs, a good whooping every now and then if they act up, but also some tough love, and parents showing that they care what their child does. One of the questions I interviewed Ms. Cherri my neighbor, about was, "If she thinks the current respect level given to elders and authority could change soon and how?" She replied that "Yes, maybe if they taught it in school at a young age and put emphasis on historic events and what people had to go through to put this generation in the place they are in now. Hopefully then the younger generation will be grateful. Furthermore, that respect should be taught in the homes and parents should not get in trouble for spanking their children for discipline. A good whipping wouldn't hurt every now and then. It should be up to the parents to raise their kids, not the government. Then maybe they would stop acting so spoiled." The article "Parenting without punishment: Making problem behavior work for you" does note however, that instead of trying to eliminate fun activities, parents can set rules so the fun activities are available after children perform the desired duty. Now obviously the old- fashioned method does indeed work, which is why children raised in that way actually have manners and show more respect for elders.
When I recently interviewed an elder woman, Cherri, about this subject she whole-heartedly agreed with the old-fashioned reinforcement method. One of the many questions I asked her was "How strict was the rule to respecting elders in your own household growing up?" She replied blatantly "It was very strict, kids did not talk back or there would be consequences and you had to have proper etiquette. When adults were chatting with each other, the children were to be quiet or go play somewhere, unlike today". After that response I asked her how she feels now that she is older (an elder). Ms. Cherri's response was that she sees less respect in this younger generation and blames it on her own hippie generation/ the baby boomers, which surprised me. She said it's her generation who is at fault because that was the time when a lot of people rebelled and should have spent more time raising their kids with enforcement. I personally think a large number of people would agree with her opinion on raising their kids with some discipline to stop the behavior, unlike Alfie Kohn's theory on giving punishments in a nice way, and not the old-fashioned reinforcement method.