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Academic style workshop: sequential revision

Summary

Here are 7 sequential fixes to make your writing sound more academic – and more important, have more substance.

Let’s say you’re writing an academic film analysis on The Dark Knight (2008). Your first draft sounds something like the “before” version, below, but you want it to sound like the “after” version.

Before

I think the way the Joker acts is different from all previous superhero villains. He doesn’t care about money or revenge or anything, really. He just does immoral things because he feels like it.

After

The Joker’s motivation to terrorize may, however, differ from most previous superhero villains. Unlike power-hungry and vengeful Lex Luthor, the Joker seems uninterested in wealth, revenge, or societal harm. Thus, he is not an immoral villain, but an amoral one. This change importantly suggests that today’s society sees good and evil as relative, imbricated, and even symbiotic.

The trick is getting there. The simplest way is to break academic style into steps.

1. Make your writing sound tentative & cautious

Tentative words to use:

Overgeneralizations to avoid:

Rewrite with more tentative language:

I think the way the Joker acts is may be different from all most previous superhero villains. He seems not to doesn’t care about money or revenge or anything, really. I propose he just does immoral things because he feels like it.

2. Clean up casual words and phrases

I think the way the Joker acts may be different from most previous superhero villains. He seems not to care about money or revenge or anything, really. I propose he just does immoral things because he feels like it he doesn't care.

3. Make your language as precise as possible

The way the Joker actsJoker's motivation to cause terror may be different from most previous superhero villains. He seems not to care about money wealth or revenge or societal harm. I propose he just does immoral things because he doesn’t care is amoral.

4. Make the reader see why what you’re saying is important

The Joker’s motivation to cause terror may be different from most previous superhero villains. He seems not to care about wealth or revenge or societal harm. I propose he just does immoral things because he is amoral. This change is important because it suggests that today's society sees good and evil as relative, overlapping, and not always separate.

5. Shape your sentences to show comparison & contrast

The Joker’s motivation to cause terror may be different from most previous superhero villains. Unlike power-hungry and revenge-driven Lex Luthor, the Joker seems not to care about wealth or revenge or societal harm. Instead of an immoral villain, I propose he just does immoral things because he is an amoral one. This change is important because it suggests that today’s society sees good and evil as relative, overlapping, and not always separate.

6. Help show your flow of ideas with transition words

The Joker’s motivation to cause terror may, however, be different from most previous superhero villains. Unlike power-hungry and revenge-driven Lex Luthor, the Joker seems not to care about wealth or revenge or societal harm. Thus, instead of an immoral villain, I propose he is an amoral one. Ultimately, this change is important because it suggests that today’s society sees good and evil as relative, overlapping, and not always separate.

7. Finally, remove every unnecessary word, put in some discourse-specific vocabulary, and you’re left with this:

The Joker’s motivation to terrorize may, however, be differentdiffer from most previous superhero villains. Unlike power-hungry and vengeful revenge-driven Lex Luthor, the Joker seems uninterested in wealthor, revenge, or societal harm. Thus, instead of anhe is not an immoral villain, he is but an amoral one. Utimately, This change importantly suggests that today’s society sees good and evil as relative, overlappingimbricated, and even symbioticnot always separate.